I was born and raised in Grimsby. That’s not something most Grimbarians would be proud of saying but I love my hometown even though I no longer live there. Let me explain what’s so great about Grimsby from an exile’s point of view.
I’m often reminded that if I am to call myself a blogger then I should actually – you know – blog. I’m not very good at that so I’m now officially declaring myself not a blogger. I do have some news though.
So in my last blog post, An Indescribable Pain, I described the hell I’ve been going through with the loss of my best friend Snoopy and my health issues. It seems the hell isn’t quite over yet. I told you about having a bone marrow biopsy at the end of September, I got the results in the middle of October and my worst fears were realised.
On 16th October was called by the haematologist and asked to take a trip to the Kent & Canterbury Hospital that day. I arrived at 3pm and was immediately invited into the haematologist’s consultation room. He explained to me that the biopsy confirmed that I have Splenic Marginal Zone Lymphoma (SMZL), a rare slow-growing (indolent) B-cell non-Hodgkin lymphoma. Cancer. This explains the enlarged spleen and the biopsy revealed that I have a 30% infiltration of the bone marrow. As it is in two places it means that the cancer is at stage four. The haematologist told me that I would be beginning a course of chemotherapy within two weeks. As far as understatements go “devastated” is the ultimate understatement. I would, however, now be keeping my spleen. The haematologist also explained to me that there is no known cure for this cancer although I probably won’t die from it, I would more likely die with it. I should consider it more of a chronic disease than an incurable cancer and I will probably die from something else like old age or being hit by a bus. I may go into full remission but it is likely to return within a few years in which case I would undergo more chemotherapy to put it back into hiding for a few more years.
On 30th October chemotherapy started. I arrived at the William Harvey Hospital’s Celia Blakey Day Unit in Ashford around 8.30am and was taken through to the treatment ward. An IV drip was inserted into my arm and the first cycle began. Several hours of an immunotherapy drug called Rituximab followed by an hour of the chemotherapy drug Bendamustine. I finally left the hospital around 5.45pm. The following day I just had an hour of Bendamustine.
I have heard so many stories of how bad chemotherapy can be. Being violently sick, hair loss, fatigue, skin turning grey. To my surprise and huge relief none of this happened. The first cycle went very smoothly, I had no reactions at all and, most importantly I didn’t feel ill apart from very slight nausea. Around three weeks later I did develop a strange reaction though. Every joint and muscle in my body ached to the point where I completely lost all use of my left hand and my right hand was severely weakened. I called the cancer emergency line and the nurse told me to take paracetamol. Within 24 hours my hands returned to normal but my legs, neck and jaw ached for a full week.
My second cycle began on the 27th November. Within fifteen minutes of the Rituximab entering my arm I felt weird. My face felt like it was burning, I felt drowsy and my chest went very tight so I struggled to breathe. My wife Sadie was present with me and she said my face was bright red and my eyes had gone completely bloodshot. I called the nurse. She immediately stopped the infusion while another nurse called the pharmacist and haematologist. I was given second course of steroids and antihistamines (the first course is always given prior to starting the treatment), given a 30 minute rest and I had returned to normal. The Rituximab then started again but at a much slower rate. Luckily I had no repeat of that horrible reaction. At the end of the course of Rituximab I quickly developed a big rash all over my upper body. My arms, armpits, chest and neck was all blotchy red. No treatment was needed for this as it didn’t last long although I had a small rash near my belly and on my wrist (where I had been wearing my watch) for the next three days. The Bendamustine that afternoon went well with no reactions. Due to the earlier reactions and the delay it caused I didn’t leave the hospital until 6.45pm, over ten hours! On the second day of Bendamustine my sister Tina kept me company and I had no reactions.
After two cycles of immunotherapy and chemotherapy I feel fine. I have a few days in the first week or each cycle where I feel under the weather but it’s totally manageable. The fatigue is another matter though. I find that regardless of what I do during the day – lots of activity or nothing at all – I get tired around 6pm and need a nap for an hour. After that I’m fine until midnight. I’ve also noticed that my spleen has shrunk considerably. Around the time of diagnosis I could clearly feel my spleen when I pressed down to the left of my belly. It was quite prominent. Now I can’t feel it at all although the area does ache. To me this means the therapy is working. I won’t know for certain until I have another CT scan or ultrasound but from being able to easily feel my spleen before to not feeling it at all now does seem, to me, that I’m going in the right direction.
Back to work
For five and a half months I’ve been off work because of my chest issues then followed by the spleen problem and then the diagnosis and chemotherapy. Last week I saw my GP to discuss the matter of me possibly being able to return to work. He said he was confident the treatment is working and I’m having no real side effects so he feels I am ready to return to work. On Monday this week I had a meeting with my manager (at the theatre) and she was happy for me to return. I got a little emotional as it meant I could get a little bit of normality back into my life as I’ve literally done almost nothing since the end of June barring the odd day here and there filming when I’ve felt well enough to.
So today, Wednesday 11th December, I had my first shift in almost half a year. It’s only when you spend so much time away from work do you realise just how much you love your job and the people you work with. Every single colleague wished me well, said how happy they are to see me again and I got a few hugs too. I felt emotional but I don’t think anyone noticed. I will be working just part time for the next two weeks before the theatre closes for the Christmas break and I will hopefully return to full time work in January.
The two week Christmas break will give me plenty of time to do some research and get a few scripts for The History Guys written. I know I’ve had five months to do that but for one reason or another I’ve not really been in the mood to.
So there you have it, I blogged. It was a long one and not the happiest of subjects but ultimately I know I am going to be fine, it may just take two years (that’s how long the treatment will last). Knowing what I’m like on the blogging front I may not blog again this side of Christmas, if that’s the case I’d like to wish you a very merry Christmas and Happy New Year. I’m certainly hoping 2020 will be much happier than this year!
When you find yourself off work, you soon begin to wonder what you can do with your time. I’ve now been off work for fifteen weeks, the most painful fifteen weeks of my life! Read more
To say I’m useless at blogging is an understatement. It’s so understated it’s underwhelming. It’s been over a month and a half since my last blog post because, well, I just haven’t been doing anything interesting. Unless you count my new job of course. Read more
If you cast your mind back to my last blog post (yes I know it’s over two months ago but I’ve been busy! ish) I mentioned the upcoming film festival that I run. Well it happened and it went very well, thank you for asking. Read more
One of the things I most enjoy about being a creative is to support others in their creative endeavours. That’s why, just over four years ago, I launched the Hellfire Film Festival. Read more
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Who’s a bit of a tit? That’s right, me! Read more
We knew this morning that God was calling your name,
In life we loved you dearly, in death we do the same.
It broke our hearts to lose you, you did not go alone.
For part of us went with you, the day God called you home.
You left us peaceful memories, your love is still our guide,
And though we cannot see you, you are always at our side.
Our family chain is broken, and nothing seems the same,
But as God calls us one by one, the chain will link again. Read more